Happy Holidays:)

I hope everyone out there has a VERY HAPPY holiday!!!

:(

All I feel like doing right now is crying:(

How the HELL am I supposed to know?!?!?!

OK, so I am ALWAYS paranoid about getting some kind of vaginal infection, and the idea of any additional vagina problem gives me severe anxiety!! I always have burning and sometimes itching, so I worry that I would not notice a difference if I did get an infection since I live with the same symptoms EVERYDAY! So, with that said, let me explain my situation right now......I have been VERY sick for over two weeks, and I knew that I should go see a doctor, but I could not make myself go because I knew that he was going to give me an antibiotic!! And of course, we all know what can follow an antibiotic......a damn vaginal infection!! Well, I tried to convince myself for two weeks that my body could fight off whatever it was that I had all on its own if I just gave it enough time. Then, after two long miserable weeks, I finally decided to face reality and went to the doctor.  He said that I have strep, a sinus infection, an ear infection, and bronchitis. Surprise surprise....guess what he gave me....yup...a damn antibiotic!!  I swear I started to feel extra burning as soon as he handed me the paper with the Rx on it!! I told him how worried I was about getting a yeast infection and asked him to also give me an Rx for Diflucan.  He did, so you would think that I would be fine and not all paranoid about it. After all, if I did get an infection, all I have to do is take the pill.  Sounds pretty simple and the problem will be solved.....well.....my brain does NOT agree with that logic:( My anxiety is almost unbearable!!!

Oh My Burning!!!

Has anyone ever experienced vaginal burning that feels like the worst bladder infection you could ever imagine??

Flood of Feelings

anxious, sad, lonely, tired, overwhelmed, constant pain, hopelessness, frustration, anger, impatient, cold, depressed, stressed, and pissed off!! That is how I feel right now.

Low and High-Oxalate Foods

It is recommended that people with Vulvodynia eat a low-Oxalate diet. Here is a list of foods and where they fall.

Low-Oxalate Foods- you CAN eat

applesauce, avocado, bananas, grapefruit, green grapes, melons, Brussels sprouts, cabbage, cauliflower, mushrooms, nectarines, onions, fresh peas, plums, radishes, noodles, oatmeal, rice spaghetti, white bread, jellies, preserves, oils, salad dressing, apple juice, lemonade or lime aid (without peel), wine, cheese, eggs, milk, lean pork, poultry, yogurt, bacon, lean beef, lean lamb, and seafood.

Medium-Oxalate Foods- Caution

apple, apricots, asparagus, oranges, peaches, pears, pineapple, prunes, broccoli, carrots, corn, cucumber, lettuce, Lima beans, parsnips, canned peas, tomatoes, turnip, watercress, cornbread, sponge cake, bottled beer, coffee, cola, orange juice, tomato juice, sardines, marmalade, and pepper (greater than 1 tsp per day).

High-Oxalate Foods-AVOID

blackberries, blueberries, currents, fruit salad, gooseberries, peel of lemon, lime, or orange, black raspberries, red currants, rhubarb, strawberries, grits (white corn), nuts, nut butter, popcorn, wheat bran, wheat germ, draft beer, instant coffee, juices containing berries, ovaltine, Tea (ANY Tea), beets, beet greens, celery, dark leafy greens, eggplants, beans (string, wax legume types including baked beans canned in tomato sauce), leeks, okra spinach, summer squash, sweet potatoes, Swiss chard, tomato soup, tomato sauce, cocoa, chocolate, fruit cake, soy products (tofu, soy sauce), cinnamon (greater than 1 tsp per day).

Avoiding Vulvar Irritation

I want to share some tips that my PT told me on how to help avoid vulvar irritation.

Clothing
Wear 100% cotton white underwear. Wash them in Woolite and double rinse in cold water. Do not use bleach or fabric softener. Do NOT wear pantyhose or tight clothes.

Hygiene
Wash with only mild soap. Avoid all fragrances and deodorants. In severe cases, try spraying the vulva with clear luke warm water and pat dry after urination. Some women dry the vulva with a cool hair dryer. Tipping the pelvis slightly forward while urinating usually results in less contact of the urine on the skin of the vulva. Use white unscented toilet tissue.  Wash your hands before and after urination. Wash your hair with your head tipped back or forward over a sink or tub so that no shampoo or conditioners run off the vulvar area.

Mensturation
Avoid tampons if possible. If they must be used, be sure they do not contain fragrances or scents. Avoid switching brands frequently. Use all cotton menstrual pads. Change pads frequently to minimize moisture. Do NOT douche with anything.

Sexual contact
You and your partner should wash your hands before engaging in sexual interactions. Allergic reactions to contraceptive jellies, foams, creams and condoms may be a component of your condition. Patients often find that any cream or lotion with propylene glycol in it is irritating to the vulva.

Comfort measures and other suggestions
Avoid bike riding. Some people find ice to the vulva is helpful in decreasing the pain. Others find that warm baths or compresses help. Try to avoid extremes of temperature in either direction. Daily walks and staying generally active have been helpful to many patients. Deep breathing and relaxation also helps many patients to cope with the pain as well as to decrease its occurrence. If you experience vulvar pain, try applying candula cream.

Diet
Eat a healthy diet to avoid possible vitamin and mineral deficiencies especially Vitamin B6., Zinc, Magnesium, and Iron. Eat a low-Oxalate diet. A low acidic and high alkaline diet can make a huge difference. Drink lots of water. Preferably mineral water since it is high alkaline.

FINALLY Hope!!

I had only been diagnosed with vestibulitis, but after reading so many blogs from other vagina pain sufferers, I was beginning to wonder if I also had pelvic floor dysfunction and a problem with my Pudendal nerve. Then, I woke up last night at 3am with the most horrible vagina pain ever!! I laid there crying until I just couldn't take it anymore. Then I remembered a fellow vagina pain friend telling me that stretching helps relieve her pain, so I climbed out of bed and stretched for about 30 minutes. And sure enough, she was right!! I was finally able to go back to sleep. I have been wanting to go to a PT for a very long time, but I didn't think that I could afford it. After the pain last night, I didn't care how much it would cost! I just wanted to feel better. So first thing this morning, I called to make an appointment. To my surprise, they had a cancellation and were able to get me in today! The appointment went GREAT! The PT was wonderful and I felt very comfortable with her. She diagnosed me with pelvic floor dysfunction and pudendal myalgia. I know it sounds bad that I now have 3 vagina problems, but I was actually relieved! For the first time in over a year, I actually have HOPE!! I might not have to live with this pain forever after all! There might actually really be someone that can help me!

Bad Dreams Anyone?

Right now, all I want to do is go lay in bed and cry! Instead, I am sitting here putting on a fake happy face for my kids while I blog about how sorry I feel for myself and how my whohaa feels like it is on FIRE!! And to make things worse, I have been having horrible dreams. They are so bad that I really actually cry in my sleep and wake myself up. So I am getting no break from myself. My whohaa hurts ALL day, and then my sleep, which is my only break from my fire crotch, is being ruined by my dreams!! I am beginning to wonder if it is a side effect from my Prozac. Has anyone else had horrible dreams while on Prozac? I really hope that isn't what is causing them. I really don't know what I will do if I can't take my Prozac anymore!! It has helped me sooooooo much!

Makes me want to SCREAM!

Have you ever seen the movie Groundhogs Day?? Well, if you haven't, the basic idea is that this person keeps waking up on Groundhogs day, so they keep reliving the same day over and over. Well, that is starting to feel like my life. I wake up, drink my coffee while checking emails, blogs, etc (while listening to my kids argue and fight over something ridiculous), clean the house, take the kids to school, clean the house, get ready, clean some more, pick the kids up, make dinner, do homework, clean, and go to bed. Then I wake up in the morning and repeat the same thing. Oh, and in between all of that I here "Mom...Mom....Mom" and "Babe.....Babe......Babe" because someone needs something from me about every 5 seconds!! The sentences that begin with "I need, I want, and Will you" are about to make me SCREAM!!!!! And it doesn't make it any easier since I already want to SCREAM because my whoohaa is on FIRE and it makes it nearly impossible to focus on anything else! Oh how I would love a vacation from the cleaning and arguing, and from the "I need, I want, and Will you" sentences. But most of all, I would give ANYTHING to have a vacation from my WHOOHAA!!

Depressing days.....

Autumn is my favorite season. Sadly, it is much too short, and we all know what follows.....winter:( This has been the first week of what feels like winter, and I am already feeling the change in my mood. Winter is so depressing. The trees are bare, the flowers are gone, the air is cold, and the sun shines for way too few hours of the day. Everything just feels so dreary, and I can't decide if my burning has gotten worse over the past week, or if I just notice it more since I am stuck in the house bored out of my mind. I do know that as I sit here typing, I can't help but think that I wish there was a way to rip my vagina off! The constant pain eats at my patients. It is like having a toothache that never goes away. It makes me sad, irritable, and angry. It also makes it really hard to be sympathetic and understanding of my husbands "needs". It is impossible for me to feel sexual when all I want to do is cry! I really do understand his frustration, and he really is a wonderful guy,  but sometimes I find myself wanting to scream at him "let me scrub your penis with sandpaper and soak it in lemon juice and see how you like it! Then let me ask if I can rub it repeatedly just to make myself feel better". I know that sounds awful, but sometimes I feel really sorry for myself and it makes it worse when I feel like he doesn't get it.

Holy Anxiety

I used to be pretty normal.....at least I think so anyways. I loved to go out of town. I loved going boating and playing on the beach with my kids, going to the pool, hiking, camping, etc. Now, all of those things are near impossible for me. Not only does it hurt me to walk, sit, wear a bathing suit, etc, but since having my vagina pain, I have developed severe anxiety. I worry about the most absurd things! Going so long not knowing what was wrong with me and having doctor after doctor look at me like I was crazy, actually made me, well, kinda crazy. Since none of the doctors could diagnose me with anything, I was super paranoid that I had some contagious illness that I was going to pass on to my kids. I felt like a walking germ. It even got to the point where I couldn't cuddle or show any affection to my kids because I was so terrified of getting them sick. That all went away after I was finally diagnosed, but I still worry about silly things. I worry about anything and everything vagina related. I am extremely paranoid of having something else go wrong with my vagina. I worry that I might not even know because it just always hurts. This fear has made living my life much more challenging. I have a huge phobia of public bathrooms, swimming pools, and doctors offices, and I am super paranoid of people with cold sores. Believe me,  I know how ridiculous that sounds! My phobias of the bathrooms, pools, and doctors office are pretty self explanatory. The reason for the cold sore paranoia is because I am scared that I will get one on my lip and then when I shower, it will somehow spread to my lower regions. Have you ever heard of such ridiculous worries?? I know it's absurd, but I seriously have to come home and take anxiety meds if I am around someone with a cold sore. Oh how I wish I could be normal again!!

Not so Happy Halloween

Halloween is one of my favorite times of year. I love carving pumpkins and getting my kids all dressed up. As soon as August comes, I start planning for Halloween! And this year, I have been extra excited since I was stuck home on the couch recovering from my first whohaa surgery last Halloween. It is FINALLY here and to my disappointment I am sick:( My head is killing me, my nose is stuffed and running uncontrollably, my chest feels like someone is sitting on it, both of my ears are aching, my throat hurts, and I have a cough. To make things even worse, my whohaa feels like it has been rubbed with sandpaper, soaked in lemon juice, and stabbed repeatedly with knives. Oh and did I mention that my kids are sick too??

The Beginning....

I am feeling more confused now than ever!! I had finally reached a point where I thought that I had actually been properly diagnosed, but the more information I read, the more I wonder. After going to doctor after doctor for what seemed like forever, I was diagnosed with Vestibulitis. Now, I'm starting to wonder if that is really what I have. I have been on so many different trial meds that I have lost count, and I have even had 2 surgeries. Needless to say, I am still in pain. Some days I have horrible burning, and other days it is burning mixed with itching. There are also days where I feel as if I am not going to be able to control my bladder, and for the past 3 weeks, my lower back has been killing me. I was put on birth control pills at a very young age to regulate my cycle, and then after having my second child, I had a mirena IUC inserted. I had the IUC for 3 years when I started having my whohaa pain, so the idea of hormones causing my pain could be very accurate. I have also read that neurological disorders can cause it. I also fit that category. My grandfather had lupus, my father's sister has MS, and my mother's brother has Parkinson's, so neurological disorders run in both sides of my family. I have suffered from migraines since I was 14. I have had 2 MRI's, 3 EEG, and numerous other tests to try to find the cause of my headaches, but nothing was ever found. My pain started 2 months after finding out that my then 3 year old had a heart problem. So, I sometimes wonder if the stress of that mixed with all of the other things I had going against me is what started all of this.

Therapy

I have been thinking about starting a blog for quite awhile now. I have found many wonderful supportive women on here, and blogging seems to be amazing therapy for them! So, I have decided to give it a try. I felt all alone for so long. It has been so comforting talking with other women who actually really understand what day to day life is like when you live with constant whohaa pain!