Saturday, October 30, 2010

Holy Anxiety

I used to be pretty least I think so anyways. I loved to go out of town. I loved going boating and playing on the beach with my kids, going to the pool, hiking, camping, etc. Now, all of those things are near impossible for me. Not only does it hurt me to walk, sit, wear a bathing suit, etc, but since having my vagina pain, I have developed severe anxiety. I worry about the most absurd things! Going so long not knowing what was wrong with me and having doctor after doctor look at me like I was crazy, actually made me, well, kinda crazy. Since none of the doctors could diagnose me with anything, I was super paranoid that I had some contagious illness that I was going to pass on to my kids. I felt like a walking germ. It even got to the point where I couldn't cuddle or show any affection to my kids because I was so terrified of getting them sick. That all went away after I was finally diagnosed, but I still worry about silly things. I worry about anything and everything vagina related. I am extremely paranoid of having something else go wrong with my vagina. I worry that I might not even know because it just always hurts. This fear has made living my life much more challenging. I have a huge phobia of public bathrooms, swimming pools, and doctors offices, and I am super paranoid of people with cold sores. Believe me,  I know how ridiculous that sounds! My phobias of the bathrooms, pools, and doctors office are pretty self explanatory. The reason for the cold sore paranoia is because I am scared that I will get one on my lip and then when I shower, it will somehow spread to my lower regions. Have you ever heard of such ridiculous worries?? I know it's absurd, but I seriously have to come home and take anxiety meds if I am around someone with a cold sore. Oh how I wish I could be normal again!!

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