Sunday, November 7, 2010
Depressing days.....
Autumn is my favorite season. Sadly, it is much too short, and we all know what follows.....winter:( This has been the first week of what feels like winter, and I am already feeling the change in my mood. Winter is so depressing. The trees are bare, the flowers are gone, the air is cold, and the sun shines for way too few hours of the day. Everything just feels so dreary, and I can't decide if my burning has gotten worse over the past week, or if I just notice it more since I am stuck in the house bored out of my mind. I do know that as I sit here typing, I can't help but think that I wish there was a way to rip my vagina off! The constant pain eats at my patients. It is like having a toothache that never goes away. It makes me sad, irritable, and angry. It also makes it really hard to be sympathetic and understanding of my husbands "needs". It is impossible for me to feel sexual when all I want to do is cry! I really do understand his frustration, and he really is a wonderful guy, but sometimes I find myself wanting to scream at him "let me scrub your penis with sandpaper and soak it in lemon juice and see how you like it! Then let me ask if I can rub it repeatedly just to make myself feel better". I know that sounds awful, but sometimes I feel really sorry for myself and it makes it worse when I feel like he doesn't get it.
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You should say that to him! Try to get him to understand how you are physically feeling! Also, have you tried yoga or stretching of any kind? I know you know that my burning problem is back as well, but stretching does bring some relief. Also hot baths can bring relief as well. Winter is tough. I saw this thing at Best Buy that is a timed light and it slowly gets brighter and brighter according to the time you set it at, so that when you wake up, it's like the sun is up. Man I want one of those! It's so hard to wake up when it's dark outside!
ReplyDeleteI have said that to him, and his response pissed me off even more!! He said "well, it is possible and very simple for you to help me feel better, if there was a way for me to help you feel better, then you know I would happily do it." I have been wanting to try yoga! Do you go somewhere to do it, or do you just do it at home?
ReplyDeleteWell during the summer I have a YMCA membership and I go to yoga classes, but I'm a teacher and during the school year I'm basically just giving them a donation because I never go! So right now I'm doing yoga videos at home. I'm very inflexible so I try to find videos that say "gentle" or "easy" yoga.
ReplyDeleteTell your husband to read some of the blogs out there - maybe if he reads about the pain from other women, he'll start to realize how deep it is - and that it's not just a physical thing. Nobody wants to give someone else pleasure when they can't get any in return! And this vagina thing really messes with our self-esteem and desire. He's got to understand that.
YES this vagina thing really does mess with our self-esteem and desire!! And I have always had issues with it anyways, but this has made it MUCH worse! Sex can be a very touchy subject for me, so if I feel like it is something that I HAVE to do, it makes me want to even less. My step father was abusive, so it is hard for me sometimes to link sex with love especially if I feel like it is a duty or something that I have to do.
ReplyDeleteI think I am going to look for a yoga video and give it a try:)
You said it exactly - if it feels like something you have to do, then it makes you really not want to do it. Good luck with the yoga! I can recommend one yoga video called Pelvic Yoga - it's yoga, but with pelvic floor exercises included - it's good.
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